Anxiety

I haven’t been posting much lately.  My world is wrapped up in work and preparing to have my gizzards rearranged.

I’m a bundle of nerves about everything.  I’m excited and anxious.  Mr. G asked me last night if I was worried about something happening.  I’m actually not.  I have complete faith in my surgeon.  I’ve researched him a lot.  A lot a lot.  They are a Center of Bariatric Excellence.  So he said, well, if you aren’t worried about that, what are you worried about?

Well, I’m not fond of pain.  I’m worried about that.  I’m worried that I’m going to go through all of this and still not lose weight.  This one is an irrational fear – but a fear none the less.  Nothing else has worked, so why should this, right?  I’m worried that after all is said and done, I’ll still have to take a bunch of medication.  I’m praying that I’m only on insulin for another week and a half.

My biggest fear – well, that one is easy.  I am going to be forced to learn how to deal with emtion and stress without my biggest comfort – food.  Mom and I were discussing it last night.  We both deal with our emotions by heading straight for food.  Comfort food, chocolate, whatever.  In fact, she even asked me last night if I was going to have one last piece of chocolate before surgery (uh, that would be a hell yeah).  I’m afraid without turning to food, the stress might make me crazy.  I’m glad I have a strong support group in place.  They’ll be hearing from me a lot.

So, that’s what’s going on here.  A big old bundle of raw nerves, emotions, excitement, anxiety…you name it, I’ve got it.

12 days to go.