UGH…I Repeat…UGH UGH UGH
27 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
in Emotional Eating, Looking at myself, Post Op Tags: Challenges, Exercise, I'm a frustrated biyatch, Post Op, Psychological Weightloss, things that suck, vacation
So, now that I can put a little weight on my knee, I decided to get on the scale this morning.
Duhn duhn dhun…
Up 7 pounds.
Holy shit.
Time to get back to basics. This morning, I had a protien shake and a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast. I need my oatmeal to keep things moving. So, I had oatmeal, mixed with some frozen blueberries and about a tsp of chopped walnuts for some good fat. Lunch will be tuna salad, and dinner is some fresh croaker that our friends gave us when we were on vacation this past week.
I know, I know. 7 pounds over 8 weeks should not freak me out quite so much, but it does. I can’t exercise right now. Can’t. My knee won’t hold me as it is simply not strong enough to do a decent cardio work out. Hell, I can’t even walk right now. And I know I’ve been shoveling food in my face left and right. CARBS. CARBS ARE MADE OF EVIL. So, it’s back to good proteins, lots of fruit and veggies, and upping the water intake. No carbies. NO NO NO.
Must. Lose. Seven Pounds. Quickly.
Sigh.
I hate surgery. And I hate my eating disorder. For real.
Two Weeks Out
27 Jul 2011 Leave a Comment
in Looking at myself Tags: things that suck
I’m two weeks out from knee surgery today. Not exercizing and eating too many carbs (thanks to my husband) are really starting to get to my poor stomach. I’m living on gas ex and pepto bismal. Which also means I’m taking control of the menu as of TODAY. UGH.
My knee is repairing well, we think. There’s no way of really knowing until I start PT. And at this point, we have no idea when that will be (reminds me, I need to send an update to my therapists letting them know surgery went ok). I got all the staples and two stitches out yesterday. That was the first time I’d actually seen my knee (except for a peek here and there) since surgery. Ew. And I almost passed out when I got my stitches out. Learned a valuable lesson – can’t watch that kind of thing…LOL. My knee is still quite swollen, and the doctor said he had to do a lot more work that the initial MRIs let on. I had three very large cartilage defects, numerous bone spurs, and tendons had to be cut (which means he did perform a lateral release).
Let me tell you folks, gastric bypass surgery has NOTHING on knee surgery. After seven days from my gastric bypass, I was feeling great. I’m two weeks out from knee surgery and still struggling. Knee pain is there at night (not so much during the day), and getting around on crutches is a pain in the ass. Non-weight bearing means I am not supposed to put any weight on it at all. UGH. And now, they’ve replaced my staples with steri-strips. Well, I’m allergic to adhesives. Which means my knee is itching UP A STORM. LOL
I miss exercise. I miss eating right. I’ve lost weight, but I’m not eating the right things, and I know I’m not getting enough water. Need to get my head around all of this. Sigh.
Pardon the Craptastic Mirror….
07 May 2011 Leave a Comment
in Looking at myself Tags: progress pictures
But I thought I’d post a recent pic…I’ve had some requests. 
Commencing Operation Goal Weight
03 May 2011 2 Comments
in Goals, Looking at myself, Post Op, Stalls Suck Tags: All About Me, Challenges, Goals, I'm a frustrated biyatch, Post Op, Psychological Weightloss, things that suck, vacation
Alright Body. I know you are loving hanging on to this weight. I also know that as I get closer to my GW (175 per the surgeon) that you are stubborn and don’t wanna let go. I also know that it is partly Mouth and Brain’s fault because they let things slip through they shouldn’t.
So, as of yesterday, we have launched Operation Goal Weight. Time to kick it. I know we have to be careful with the exercise right now (hello stupid knees – looking at a 2nd knee surgery in the near future) but we sure as hell can control what goes into the pouch.
So, it’s back to weighing and measuring. It’s back to watching our fat grams (ahem, instead of just watching them go into the mouth). It’s time to up the water, condense the protein, and get our ass in gear to get to that finish line. I’m not looking for a sprint here, but I sure am looking for some forward movement. Time to break this stall. Time to break through. Time to move our ass and shrink.
We’re 18 months out now. Holy crap on a cracker when did that happen? 18 months. And we’re bouncing around 187 to 190 like it’s our freaking job. It’s time for a new job body. So let’s put it in motion. Let’s do what we know we’re supposed to do. Limit those carbs! Up that protein! Get rid of that extra fat servings! Stop that snacking!!!
We have vacation coming up Body. And I fully expect that you don’t fall down on the job. Yes, we’ll be unable to control about 50% of the food environment, but of the 50% we can control, let’s make sure we do it up good. No greasey potatos at Aunt Fabby’s! No sour cream and guac with that wonderful mexican food! No fried chicken! No tamales (did I just say that?). No! NO! NO!
Let’s do it. We have until November 11th. That’s right – November 11th. Let’s shake it like a polaroid picture!!!
Happy Easter Y’all!
23 Apr 2011 Leave a Comment
in Food, Looking at myself, Post Op Tags: All About Me, Holidays
We’re having a completely WLS friendly dinner tomorrow! Ham and turkey breast, balsamic and green onion potato salad, turnip greens, deviled eggs, cucumbers in sour cream (low fat!), and a big old fruit salad.
My easter basket (from my hubby) contained banana chips (NOM) and dried mixed berries. Yay!
Goal before May 25th – lose the last 12 pounds to my doctor’s goal weight!
I’m a hot sexy bunny y’all!!
W00T! Aw Yeah Baby! I’m at the Grown Up Table Now!
28 Feb 2011 1 Comment
in Goals, Looking at myself, Non-Scale Victories, Post Op Tags: Accomplishments, All About Me, Clothing, Goals, Non-Scale Victories, Post Op, Psychological Weightloss, victories
It was always my dream to own a trenchcoat. A gorgeous, camel colored trenchcoat. I think they are classic and sophisticated looking. And for years, they didn’t make them in my size, and if they did, they were not flattering – it looked more like a big ass camel colored tent.
So, last fall, I decided that I was going to reward myself with one for the spring. I ordered a lovely trenchcoat, size 14, from Chadwicks. It came shortly and it was beautiful. Gorgeous. And too small last fall. But that’s ok – it was a spring coat.
And my body has changed in six months. I’ve lost body fat and inches, even if the pounds have been creeping off slowly.
Besides, it’s a Spring Coat. Meant for warmer weather. Which we have not had. Until this weekend. It is supposed to be nearly 70 degrees today before I leave work, and it was nearly 50 this morning. Now, I had tried the coat on a few times this winter, just to see….but it was always a bit tight and kind of gaping a the buttons. No pretty.
But this morning, I crossed my fingers and thought, “What the hell?” And I put my beautiful camel colored trenchcoat on.
And it fit!!!!
Size 14!!! A REGULAR size 14. Not a plus sized 14. REGULAR. From a shop that runs small!! (I can wear some 14s already…but my coat…my beautiful coveted coat…well, I knew it was going to run small because Chadwicks does). And it looks great. And I felt grown up. Now, I know that sounds funny coming from a 38 year old woman who has 8 grandkids…but I felt like a grown up.
You see, when you are fat, you feel like you are perpetually dining at the kids table. A metaphore so to speak. As if to say, I want all those pretty grown up sophisticated things, but they don’t fit, and therefore I have to settle for wearing clothes that look as if they were designed for a 70 year old woman to wear on a cruise, or items that were made by Tessie the Tent Maker. The constant wearing of clothing from the Kid’s Table.
But today, baby, I graduated to the grown up table.
In a beautiful, gorgeous, sophisticated, glamorous, Audry Hepburn style camel colored trench coat.
And because of that, I rock.
Pictures tonight, when my hubby can take ‘em! I actually woke him up this morning before work just to tell him my coat fit. Yay!
20 Year Class Reunion
30 Nov 2010 Leave a Comment
in Looking at myself Tags: Accomplishments
My 20 year highschool reunion was held this past Saturday. I want to show you a wee comparison (I don’t have my senior picture scanned – although if I had my way it would be burned). This is a picture of me my senior year – I weighed close to 250 pounds.
This was taken just before my reunion – 190 pounds (still grrrr).
I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends
04 Nov 2010 1 Comment
in Friends, Looking at myself, Stalls Suck Tags: Family and friends, product reviews, Psychological Weightloss, things that suck
First – my apologies. Christie pointed out that she recommended The Daily Burn instead of the Daily Plate. I am going to give it a try – from what I already see I like it better than the Daily Plate, so we’ll see.
Secondly, I got a lot of scolding from my friends yesterday about feeling like a failure. It’s hard not to look at it that way when you have been stalled out for so long, and combined with the latest hormone surge (thank you very much weightloss surgery) I felt like a total and utter, “I’ll never ever be at goal weight” downer. They pointed out that a loss of nearly 130 pounds is not a failure.
My wonderful friend Boxer also pointed out to me what has gotten me through stalls in the past – increasing protien and fluids. I have been drinking my fluids, but I’ve not been drinking enough actual water, so I’m upping that starting today.
I will continue to diary my feelings and food so Cindy can look at my logs next week. It’s painful to write down the crap I put in my mouth when I’m stressed out, and I have a ton of stress lately, so maybe the accountability will be enough to scare me straight.
At least I’ve already had 58g of protein already today – that’s a start in the right direction. I’m keeping up my am protein shake and boosting my breakfast protein. Maybe that will help. Also, once school is done, the stress will ease up at least for a month and I can focus more on just me.
Frustrated Doesn’t Even Begin to Cover It
03 Nov 2010 1 Comment
in Exercise, Feedbag, Looking at myself, Stalls Suck Tags: Challenges, Exercise, Feed Bag, I'm a frustrated biyatch, things that suck, Wii Workout
This stall has gone on for too danged long. I know what I need to do – I know I need to start diarying again – not just logging, but actually diarying – to figure out why I’m grazing so danged much. Grrr. I also know that from what I have logged, I’m still getting less than 1200 calories per day, BUT I’m pretty sure with my activity levels that my body needs more. Perhaps it’s just holding on to everything possible.
At any rate, I’m just so frustrated with the darned scale bouncing up and down and I’m ashamed of the fact that I haven’t lost anything significant in the past three months. That feeling of “failure” is creeping in and that always sends me into a spiral. I need to get ahold of things and get them back on the right direction before the whole train derails.
What really sucks is that I’ve either torn or strained a tendon in my GOOD knee, and I’ve been told nothing stressful at the gym. Unfortunately, that means the pool, which also unfortunately means its only open early two days per week – Wednesdays and Thursdays. And my defeatest feelings are out, so I screwed myself by not setting my alarm early enough to go this morning – sabatoge anyone?
I’m recommitting to recommit. Today. I’ve started diarying again. When I say that, it’s not just tracking what I ate, but what time I ate it, and what I was feeling when I ate it. It was something they taught us in the bariatric program way back before surgery, and I really got away from it. It helps you determine WHY you are putting food in your mouth. I plan on saving these and going over them with Cindy on the 16th at my 12 month follow up. I also need to talk out this stall with her – I think it will be valuable to me to talk to the behavioral therapist. I’m soooo glad my practice has one.
I also need to recommit to the exercises, which aren’t easy when your knee is bunged up. I’m terrified that the knee actually has a tear instead of a strain, which could mean more surgery. UGH. I plan on working through it though. Today at lunch, I’m walking the stairs. Tonight, I’m hitting the Wii. Tomorrow, come hell or high water (no pun intended) I’m hitting the pool at the gym.
Over at Christie’s blog a week or so ago she did a review of The Daily Plate which is similar to SparkPeople for logging your calorie intake and fitness levels. I decided to give it a try this morning, although I’ve been dedicated to my SparkPeople for years now. I actually found it clunky to use – but it could be because I’m used to Sparkpeople. It is a good option for those of you who want to track caloric intake. I think I will stick with my SparkPeople though. The Daily Plate told me I need to consume 1800 net calories per day in order to lose 2 pounds a week. I haven’t eaten 1800 calories per day in over a year. I don’t think I physically could, and that includes daily protein shakes. Hmmm. Maybe I’m NOT getting enough calories.
Anyway – here’s today’s food plan – and hopefully I’ll stick to that plan.
PreB – 16oz coffee with 2tbsp fat free half and half and sweet-n-low, and one pumpkin spice protein shake, my multivitamin, iron, chewable D3, folic acid, and b12
Breakfast – Michelina’s Lean Gourmet Sausage, Egg and Cheese Mini-muffin, 1/4c. of greek yogurt, 4 small cubes of watermelon (sigh, I needed change for the bus) and about 2 tbsp of dried berries.
Between B & L – 24oz of water, 12 oz. of decaf tea, 600mg of calcium citrate, magnesium
Lunch – one chicken thigh, 1c. of tossed salad with 2 tbsp salad dressing (I’m using real salad dressing) and 1 thin slice of toasted italian bread
Between L&D – 12 oz decaf tea and 24oz of water, 600mg calcium citrate, magnesium, 2nd multivitamin
Dinner – 6oz tilapia filet, 1 small baked potato, 1/2c. green beans
20oz water, dulcolax (sigh)
Exercise today: Walking 20 minutes (to and from bus stop to work), 30 minutes climbing stairs (lunchtime), and 30 minutes Wii fit
What A Difference A Year Makes
01 Nov 2010 Leave a Comment
in Looking at myself Tags: progress pictures
Last year:
And this year….
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