Anxiety

I haven’t been posting much lately.  My world is wrapped up in work and preparing to have my gizzards rearranged.

I’m a bundle of nerves about everything.  I’m excited and anxious.  Mr. G asked me last night if I was worried about something happening.  I’m actually not.  I have complete faith in my surgeon.  I’ve researched him a lot.  A lot a lot.  They are a Center of Bariatric Excellence.  So he said, well, if you aren’t worried about that, what are you worried about?

Well, I’m not fond of pain.  I’m worried about that.  I’m worried that I’m going to go through all of this and still not lose weight.  This one is an irrational fear – but a fear none the less.  Nothing else has worked, so why should this, right?  I’m worried that after all is said and done, I’ll still have to take a bunch of medication.  I’m praying that I’m only on insulin for another week and a half.

My biggest fear – well, that one is easy.  I am going to be forced to learn how to deal with emtion and stress without my biggest comfort – food.  Mom and I were discussing it last night.  We both deal with our emotions by heading straight for food.  Comfort food, chocolate, whatever.  In fact, she even asked me last night if I was going to have one last piece of chocolate before surgery (uh, that would be a hell yeah).  I’m afraid without turning to food, the stress might make me crazy.  I’m glad I have a strong support group in place.  They’ll be hearing from me a lot.

So, that’s what’s going on here.  A big old bundle of raw nerves, emotions, excitement, anxiety…you name it, I’ve got it.

12 days to go.

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Antica…….pation

This week has blown by so quickly.  I’m really busy at work, so that I’m sure has something to do with it.  My friend on OH warned me how quicly this time would go, and they aren’t kidding.  I have 8 work days left to get done 30 days worth of work, and wow, am I getting antsy about getting things done.

I got my letter yesterday, and my surgery is scheduled for 10:10am on the 10th.  😀  I’m starting to get a wee bit nervous.  Just a bit.  I’m mostly excited…like counting down to that last day of school all over again.  So glad I took this semester off school!

I actually had someone yesterday ask me how I could be proud of this.  I know…seriously.  I asked them what they meant, and they asked me (in all sincerity) why I felt I couldn’t lose the weight on my own, and didn’t I just lack will power.  There were no words…just a simple roll of my eyes and I walked away.  Walk a mile in my shoes, skinny minnie…see how easy it is.