Not Good

Today has been a bad day for food and liquids.  I just don’t want anything.  I can barely get food in today – just don’t want it.  I forced two ham and cheese roll-ups for lunch, and a couple of pieces of Laughing Cow Lite wedges for breakfast, but nothing else.  I made some turkey chili for dinner…but I’m not hungry.

It’s so hard to eat when you are. not. hungry.

I know I need to get in my protien – and I’ve gotten in my shakes today – but food is just not on my radar today.

Sigh.  I haven’t gotten enough fluids in either.  I’ll get in it before bed.  Sigh again.

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Another NSV

I fit in a 1X sweater today, and my size 24s fit.  Yay!

Back to Work

I was originally supposed to return to work tomorrow, but thanks to a snafu in the disability process, they told me today was my return to work day.  I had to log on to my email this afternoon and do some work, and I’ll actually return to the office tomorrow.

Am I ready to go back to work?  Physically yes.

Mentally, well, I’m just not sure.  Its going to be a big adjustment, trying to balance my work schedule, my excercise, and my food.  I’m really going to have to plan things out.

In other news, I got the statement today from the insurance company.  After they told me my sugeon was in network prior to the surgery, it turns out he’s not.  They did pay $4,000 of the the $6,000 bill, but I’m going to have to come up with the other $2,000.  I think I’m just going to have to work out a payment arrangement with them next week.  $100 a month or something until I can pay it off.  I’ve hyet to receive the hospital’s bill eyt.  Hopefully that will be covered.  It was $18,000.

Bariatric surgery is not cheap.  But, if you figure you pay $2,025 a year for the rest of my life , vs. $2,000 co pay for the surgery, then, well, I guess I come out ahead.  Its worth it to save my life.

Blech

Something didn’t agree with me today at all.  I feel so crappy.  I didn’t eat anything today that I haven’t eaten before, but I could barely get in any lunch, and dinner was a no go at all.  I just do. not. feel. well.  Gah…I’ll be glad when this day is over.

The Sun is Shining! Finally!

I woke up to a beautiful day, and after three days of exercising inside, I’m heading back up to Havre de Grace for a walk at the pier today.  It’s chilly, but that’s ok…I love the fresh air and to see the beauty of the Bay as I’m walking.

I have found the walking to be so beneficial.  It gives me time alone with my thoughts – and time to plan my day.  Today will be a good day.  I’m cleaning this morning because my girlfriend is coming over for a craft day/girls’ day today.  Her boyfriend Mike is off hunting with my husband, so we can do girly things.  Cleaning is great exercise as well.

I had a NSV last night.  When I got home from my Mom’s, I decided to try on some 22/24s that I had tried on last week that were still too small.  This included 4 blouses and a pair of jeans (without lycra).  I put the blouses on, and although they are still a bit tight, I can wear them, so I should be able to be comfortable in them in a could of weeks.  I also tried on the jeans.  The last time I tried them on (which was only about a week and a half ago) there was no way they fit.

So, last night, I pulled them on, got them up over my hips (farther than they went before) and thought, “There is no way these are going to even button.”  And then low and behold, they buttoned.  And then I though, “They are tight, there’s no way they are going to zip.”  I sucked it in a bit, and boom, they zipped.  OMG they zipped.  O.M.G.  They were tight, there’s no question about that, but they fit!!!!  In a week I’m figuring they’ll actually be a little more comfortable.

My First Big Test

My nephew, Mitchell, decided to come home to surprise the family this weekend for the holiday, so my Mom and I had decided to stop by today and visit him.  We found out that my sister and her family were also going to come up, so we all decided we were going to go to lunch.

I was petrified.

Going to lunch meant eating out.  Out of my comfort zone.  I decided not to make any noise about it, because I hadn’t seen my nephew since he was home last Christmas.  They decided to go to Red Robin for lunch, so off we went.

I got to the restaurant, and scoured the menu, trying to find something, anything that would fit my menu requirements – mushie, high protien, small serving….and I could find nothing to fit the bill.  I was starting to sweat a bit.  I wasn’t hungry (still haven’t felt hunger since the surgery), but I knew I needed to eat.  I heard my mom talking about getting a bowl of chili, but I couldn’t find it on the menu.  Finally, I found it on the back, in tiny print under soups and sandwiches.  Finally.  I ordered just a cup of chili, held the tortilla chips and raw onions.  I ate half of it, and was satisfied.  So, I think I passed my first test.

My nieces and nephew asked me questions about the surgery today.  They thought I could still eat normally.  They thought I had a huge incision.  I showed them my incisions (which are basically scars now) and told them I ate about 600 calories per day.  My niece Joanna, her jaw dropped.  How cute.  She’s got a great little body and works out hard, so knowing that I ate less than her was a jolt for her.  I love that kid.

A Very Gastric Bypass Thanksgiving

So, today was Thanksgiving.  Bob and I stayed home here by ourselves, which is fine, as there are few temptations here to get me in trouble.

I cooked a cornish game hen, stuffing, mashed potatos, corn, fresh baked bread, and gravy.  For Bob, I made a Mrs. Smith’s pumpkin pie.  He stuffed his plate, and I let him…it is Thanksgiving, afterall.

My plate, however, was a dessert sized plate.  On it, I had a smidge of the dark meat from the hen, a tiny spoonful of mashed potatos, a tiny spoonful of corn, a tiny spoonful of stuffing (yum…), and I made a spoonful of pumpkin puree with some cinnamon and sweet-n-low.  I had a quarter of a slice of the bread.  I did use a little of the gravy to wet things up since I’m supposed to be on mashed foods, and I didn’t bother to mash, but I did chew things very well.  I still couldn’t finish what was on my plate.  The dog got the crust to the bread, as well as the corn and potatos.  I allowed myself a little taste of everything, but got full pretty quick – which is the whole point of the surgery, no?

I’m proud of mysef.  Bob is going hunting this weekend, so I packaged up the leftovers and had him take them downstairs – the stuffing will get me if it is somewhere that I can see it.  Otherwise, out of site, out of mind.  He’s to take the bread with him, as well as the pumpkin pie.  I don’t want to take any chances.

I’m truly surprised at how having just a taste of everything was really satisfying.  Holidays before I’d stuff myself until I was so full I was sick.  I was never really satisfied with it, but I was stuffed, and uncomfortable, an inevitably 5 pounds heavier.  This year, I was satisfied and got to taste everything.  The taste was what was important.  And believe me, nothing tasted better than that stuffing.  It’s definitely got to be out of site out of mind!

I am so thankful that I’ve been given a second chance at my life.  This is turning out to be an incredible journey, and I’m just so thrilled and excited to be starting it!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

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