Interesting Thoughts Get My Mind Churning

I have met some wonderful wonderful women in this crazy journey of weightloss surgery.  And those woman have taught me a lot about myself, and have pondered some interesting thoughts in my head in regards to weightloss surgery and its after effects.  I want to get these thoughts out here as I’m sure anyone who is reading this has the potential to be contemplating surgery themselves.

Prior to surgery, I did a lot of reading….I mean a lot of reading…about the possible represcussions of having such drastic, life altering surgery.  One of those most interesting things I read about was an increased divorce rate among people who have had the surgery.

I spoke to Bob about this initially – back when we were still contemplating whether or not surgery was even for me.  It seems there are a number of reasons that people divorce after weightloss surgery.  The biggest reason, in my mind, is that obese people who have low self-esteme, tend to settle into relationships that are not good for them to begin with.  They settle for partners because they fear they may never find someone to love them as they should be loved.  Once the weight comes off, and people learn that they can not mask emotions and struggles with food, and by proxy learn to love themselves, they realize that they are in unhealthy relationships and get out.

Another reason is because the non-surgical partner becomes increasingly insecure as their surgical partners lose weight.  Jealousy and insecurity are never a good combination in any relationship.

The reason this is coming up in my head is because a few of the lovely women I have met through this process have had their sugeries, and are now unhappy in their relationships (not necessary because of weightloss surgery, but that’s what triggered me to think of this).  I was talking to Bob about it, and he said, “Well, you aren’t going to leave me when you get skinny are you?”

I was absolutely floored by this response.  I can not imagine my life without my husband.  I love him more than anything in this world, and the thought of not having him in my life seems like it would be an empty gaping hole where my heart once lived.  I never feel as if Bob and I settled into our relationship for convenience sake.  I have felt strongly from the first day I laid eyes on him that he was my soul mate, my life partner.  I don’t see that changing because I weigh 140 pounds instead of 321. 

I asked him outright if he thought that would actually happen, and he (of course) said no, but he could see how it did happen to some couples.  That makes me sad.  I hate to see my girlfriends struggle with their relationships and their self-esteem.  They are lovely, beautiful women who deserve the best…who deserve to be as happy in their relationships as I am.  And that is not saying that all of my friends are on the rocks relationship-wise.  Many of them are extremely happy.  Like I said, I was just thinking about it.

Another issue that has come up has been the aspect of being mentally ready for weightloss surgery and the lifestyle changes it entails.  I’ve been reading one of the boards at OH called “Failed Weight Loss Surgeries,” as well as reading some of the local posts of people who have had surgery as early as this past year, and are now saying, “Well, I didn’t want to be on a diet the rest of my life,” or “I thought this was going to be the answer to my prayers.”  Um, yeah.

There’s a reason that you have to do all the testing ahead of time.  You need to know going into the surgery that it is not the magic bullet that is going to fix your life.  Whether you have a band, a bypass, a sleeve, or a DS, you have to work your tool.  You have to know that you can’t keep eating the foods that got you to that point to begin with.  You need to plan, to shop smart, to always come up with alternatives. 

I still have the luxery of being in my honeymoon phase.  My stomach, at most, holds 4 oz.  My body tells me when I’ve had enough to eat.  Does that mean I can go out and eat slider foods so I can eat more?  Does it mean I can go out and eat 4oz of junk and still expect to lose weight? 

No.

I still plan.  I chose healthy alternatives.  I can tell you at 6am exactly what I’m going to eat for dinner at 6pm.  I plan plan plan.  I don’t buy the trigger foods.  I eat smart.  Does that mean I’ll never slip up?  Heck no.  I probably will. 

At this point, I’m still to chicken to find out if I dump.  I have no intention on every finding out “on purpose.”  I am automatically assuming I do. 

Do I mourn the fact that I’ll never tuck into another big old piece of chocolate cake again? 

Hell yes.

Do I miss eating a whole bag of chips?

Absolutely.

Will Hershey go out of business without me?

Quite possibly.

So, what defines a success at weight loss surgery?  Is it weight loss?  Is it changing your habits?  Is it getting healthier?  I think its all of these.  Although I have to say if after today, I never lost another pound, I’d still consider myself a success.  Have I won my food battles?  I don’t know…who really does?  Forever is a long time to try to look ahead.  But I do know that I’ve conquered a good part of them.

So, how does this really big, really long post come to a conclusion?  Well, all I can say is, be prepared for anything.  Weightloss surgery is the biggest, most life altering thing I’ve ever done.  I’m reminded of that every single day.   Your new stomach will become a big part of your life.  You will change who you are.  Be prepared for all that brings.

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