Frustrated Doesn’t Even Begin to Cover It

This stall has gone on for too danged long.  I know what I need to do – I know I need to start diarying again – not just logging, but actually diarying – to figure out why I’m grazing so danged much.  Grrr.  I also know that from what I have logged, I’m still getting less than 1200 calories per day, BUT I’m pretty sure with my activity levels that my body needs more.  Perhaps it’s just holding on to everything possible.

At any rate, I’m just so frustrated with the darned scale bouncing up and down and I’m ashamed of the fact that I haven’t lost anything significant in the past three months.  That feeling of “failure” is creeping in and that always sends me into a spiral.  I need to get ahold of things and get them back on the right direction before the whole train derails.

What really sucks is that I’ve either torn or strained a tendon in my GOOD knee, and I’ve been told nothing stressful at the gym.  Unfortunately, that means the pool, which also unfortunately means its only open early two days per week – Wednesdays and Thursdays.  And my defeatest feelings are out, so I screwed myself by not setting my alarm early enough to go this morning – sabatoge anyone?

I’m recommitting to recommit.  Today.  I’ve started diarying again.  When I say that, it’s not just tracking what I ate, but what time I ate it, and what I was feeling when I ate it.  It was something they taught us in the bariatric program way back before surgery, and I really got away from it.  It helps you determine WHY you are putting food in your mouth.  I plan on saving these and going over them with Cindy on the 16th at my 12 month follow up.  I also need to talk out this stall with her – I think it will be valuable to me to talk to the behavioral therapist.  I’m soooo glad my practice has one.

I also need to recommit to the exercises, which aren’t easy when your knee is bunged up.  I’m terrified that the knee actually has a tear instead of a strain, which could mean more surgery.  UGH.  I plan on working through it though.  Today at lunch, I’m walking the stairs.  Tonight, I’m hitting the Wii.  Tomorrow, come hell or high water (no pun intended) I’m hitting the pool at the gym.

Over at Christie’s blog a week or so ago she did a review of The Daily Plate which is similar to SparkPeople for logging your calorie intake and fitness levels.  I decided to give it a try this morning, although I’ve been dedicated to my SparkPeople for years now.  I actually found it clunky to use – but it could be because I’m used to Sparkpeople.  It is a good option for those of you who want to track caloric intake.  I think I will stick with my SparkPeople though.  The Daily Plate told me I need to consume 1800 net calories per day in order to lose 2 pounds a week.  I haven’t eaten 1800 calories per day in over a year.  I don’t think I physically could, and that includes daily protein shakes.  Hmmm.  Maybe I’m NOT getting enough calories.

Anyway – here’s today’s food plan – and hopefully I’ll stick to that plan.

PreB – 16oz coffee with 2tbsp fat free half and half and sweet-n-low, and one pumpkin spice protein shake, my multivitamin, iron, chewable D3, folic acid, and b12

Breakfast – Michelina’s Lean Gourmet Sausage, Egg and Cheese Mini-muffin, 1/4c. of greek yogurt, 4 small cubes of watermelon (sigh, I needed change for the bus) and about 2 tbsp of dried berries.

Between B & L – 24oz of water, 12 oz. of decaf tea, 600mg of calcium citrate, magnesium

Lunch – one chicken thigh, 1c. of tossed salad with 2 tbsp salad dressing (I’m using real salad dressing) and 1 thin slice of toasted italian bread

Between L&D – 12 oz decaf tea and 24oz of water, 600mg calcium citrate, magnesium, 2nd multivitamin

Dinner – 6oz tilapia filet, 1 small baked potato, 1/2c. green beans

20oz water, dulcolax (sigh)

Exercise today:  Walking 20 minutes (to and from bus stop to work), 30 minutes climbing stairs (lunchtime), and 30 minutes Wii fit