Holy Hell, Where Has The Time Gone?

On Thursday, it will be my two year surgiversary.

Two years.

And where am I?

Well, I still hover at 183 pounds.  My body likes it here.  My doctor’s happy.  I’m happy.  And life is good.

Which is probably why I haven’t posted here much. 

Not that my journey is over in any way, shape, or form, but I feel that my weightloss journey has come to an end, and my maintenance journey has begun.  It’s time to get to the business of me being me without constantly nagging myself as to what goes in my mouth and analyzing every little bit of it.

That’s just the thing.  I don’t analyze anymore.  I’ve come to the point where I don’t have to think about every action, because now it is part of who I am.  I still have to watch what I eat, and be ever mindful of how easily I can still fail at this, but as for now, I consider myself a success.  And that makes me happy.

Two years in and of itself means a lot of changes in a person.  When you throw in a massive weightloss on top of that, and a life altering surgery, well, you become a different person all together.  For the first year, it was all about the weightloss, and the surgery, and what it was doing to my body. 

I learned that in the second year, it was more about learning to be happy with the person I was, with the person I had become, and with the person I am going to be.  And I have finally learned to be happy with who I am without thinking about the weight, or the physicality, or the mental aspects of spending my life morbidly obese.  I am me.  Bea.  And Bea is a pretty awesome person.  No matter what she weighs.

So with that, my dear readers, I have made the decision to put this blog to rest.  I’ll leave it up, and may post occasionally, but to dwell on the weightloss anymore at this point, it’s counter productive to me.  It’s time to deal with life. 

In fact, I’ve taken a bit of a blog break all around.  But I do plan on returning to regular blogging soon.  And if you still enjoy who I am, then I more than encourage you to visit me at my other blog.  I fully intend on just getting to the business of be me.

Thank you, my dear readers, for going on this journey with me.  Your encouragement has meant the world, and I hope you have learned from my journey.  If you are considering bariatric surgery, then I fully encourage you to learn about your surgery, and yourself.  And start a blog.  It’s amazing to go back and read my entries and my own transformation.

Thanks for reading, my friends.  Thanks.

Phew – My Body DOES Still Remember How to Lose Weight

I have not only take off the 7 pounds I gained while on disability, but I’ve lost an extra!  Down to 184.  Nearly down to my lowest weight of 183.  I will get to my goal weight in the next year.  I will I will I will.  I just have to focus on the important stuff – high quality dense protien, lots of fluids, and limiting my carbs.  And remembering that my pouch is there for a reason.

Once I get my ass back to exercising regularly, that will help too.  My knee is doing a lot better.  I’m back to full weight bearing, which means I’ve finally (after two months) ditched the crutches, and I actually have been walking pretty well.  Lots of swelling, and pain by the end of the day, but PT is working, and I’m regaining strength and flexibility – both are very important.  After my first knee sugery 3 years ago, it literally took me 18 months to go up and down the steps foot over foot.  Yesterday, I went both up (easier) and down(very hard) the stairs foot over foot without too many problems.  I can also stand my full weight on my right leg (briefly) and that took me six months the last time.

Progress!

Update on the 5-Day Pouch Test

It worked.  I’m feeling restriction again.  As a matter of fact, I’m feeling the same restrictions I felt just after surgery, and that is a very good thing.  I am upping my protien shakes however, to ensure that I’m getting enough protien, and of course, I’ve increased my fluid intake.

Sometimes I am amazed that at this point, I can still fill such a tight restriction.  It makes me very happy with my decision to have GB.

Return of the 5-Day Pouch Test

So, in an effort to refamiliarize my pouch with what it is supposed to be doing, and to detox from the evil carbs and slider foods that I have been steadily stuffing in my face, I am re-visiting the 5-Day Pouch Test.  Days one and two are liquid and soft proteins only so today and tomorrow for me will be protein shakes.  To be honest, I’m mostly doing this to break my carb dependancies, which have crept back in with a vengance since I had my knee surgery.

So far so good today.  I did add a sugar free yogurt for lunch, but I’m doing this program a wee bit modified to make sure I get my necessary calories. 

The point of my surgery was to teach myself to eat better.  Just because I CAN eat it doesn’t mean I SHOULD eat it.

Another thing I need to get back to is drinking all my fluids.  I haven’t been so hot at that lately.  But I’m going to get there, by hook or by crook.

Wish me luck!

Well, Whaddya Know….

My pouch still works.  And that’s a wonderful thing.  Since I have been back to eating good food (proteins, good carbs, high fiber, veggies) instead of slider foods, my pouch is telling me, “Whoa Nelly” and puts the brakes on.  That’s a good thing.  A very good thing.  And I’ve already taken off 3 pounds (I know, I shouldn’t weigh).  Also makes me happy.

And last night I actually did some exercise – if you count PT.  I did the bike.  I did the total gym (although I’m really NOT sure I’m supposed to be doing this because I think it counts as squats).  I did bridges (great for the ass and abs).  My knee hurt like a crack ho last night, but I did it.

And I didn’t over indulge during the hurricane or subsquent two days where we were without power, had 3.5 inches of water in our basement or a tree down in our front yard.  GO ME!  No stress eating!  YAY.

Now, I gotta keep this up!

I joined ediets.  I know, I know.  But I need something to hold me accountable, and cash is king.

Back on the Wagon

Breakfast today:

Protein Shake – 1 scoop chocolate pure protein powder and 8oz 1% milk with ice, and 1/2 c. of oatmeal with blueberries and a tsp of chopped walnuts

Lunch:  3 slices of ham (1 serving), 2 oz, cheddar, 2 dill pickle slices, 1/2 c sliced peaches (rinsed but they were canned in juice) and 1c of popcorn (GRR) – popcorn is not pictured

 

Dinner tonight will be: 6oz baked croaker (fish), 1/2 c boiled cabbage

UGH…I Repeat…UGH UGH UGH

So, now that I can put a little weight on my knee, I decided to get on the scale this morning.

Duhn duhn dhun…

Up 7 pounds.

Holy shit.

Time to get back to basics.  This morning, I had a protien shake and a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast.  I need my oatmeal to keep things moving.  So, I had oatmeal, mixed with some frozen blueberries and about a tsp of chopped walnuts for some good fat.  Lunch will be tuna salad, and dinner is some fresh croaker that our friends gave us when we were on vacation this past week.

I know, I know.  7 pounds over 8 weeks should not freak me out quite so much, but it does.  I can’t exercise right now.  Can’t.  My knee won’t hold me as it is simply not strong enough to do a decent cardio work out.  Hell, I can’t even walk right now.  And I know I’ve been shoveling food in my face left and right.  CARBS.  CARBS ARE MADE OF EVIL.  So, it’s back to good proteins, lots of fruit and veggies, and upping the water intake.  No carbies.  NO NO NO.

Must. Lose. Seven Pounds.  Quickly.

Sigh.

I hate surgery.  And I hate my eating disorder.  For real.

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