Well, Whaddya Know….

My pouch still works.  And that’s a wonderful thing.  Since I have been back to eating good food (proteins, good carbs, high fiber, veggies) instead of slider foods, my pouch is telling me, “Whoa Nelly” and puts the brakes on.  That’s a good thing.  A very good thing.  And I’ve already taken off 3 pounds (I know, I shouldn’t weigh).  Also makes me happy.

And last night I actually did some exercise – if you count PT.  I did the bike.  I did the total gym (although I’m really NOT sure I’m supposed to be doing this because I think it counts as squats).  I did bridges (great for the ass and abs).  My knee hurt like a crack ho last night, but I did it.

And I didn’t over indulge during the hurricane or subsquent two days where we were without power, had 3.5 inches of water in our basement or a tree down in our front yard.  GO ME!  No stress eating!  YAY.

Now, I gotta keep this up!

I joined ediets.  I know, I know.  But I need something to hold me accountable, and cash is king.

UGH…I Repeat…UGH UGH UGH

So, now that I can put a little weight on my knee, I decided to get on the scale this morning.

Duhn duhn dhun…

Up 7 pounds.

Holy shit.

Time to get back to basics.  This morning, I had a protien shake and a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast.  I need my oatmeal to keep things moving.  So, I had oatmeal, mixed with some frozen blueberries and about a tsp of chopped walnuts for some good fat.  Lunch will be tuna salad, and dinner is some fresh croaker that our friends gave us when we were on vacation this past week.

I know, I know.  7 pounds over 8 weeks should not freak me out quite so much, but it does.  I can’t exercise right now.  Can’t.  My knee won’t hold me as it is simply not strong enough to do a decent cardio work out.  Hell, I can’t even walk right now.  And I know I’ve been shoveling food in my face left and right.  CARBS.  CARBS ARE MADE OF EVIL.  So, it’s back to good proteins, lots of fruit and veggies, and upping the water intake.  No carbies.  NO NO NO.

Must. Lose. Seven Pounds.  Quickly.

Sigh.

I hate surgery.  And I hate my eating disorder.  For real.

Stress Eating Rears It’s Ugly Head

Those of you who follow my “life” blog  know that we had to put our sweet dog down yesterday.  She was full of cancer and it was in her best interest to relieve her of suffering.

Sadie was, for all intents and purposes, my baby.  I’m unable to have children of my own (and I love my step-daughters incredibly much) and Sadie and my kitties are my stand ins for that mothering instinct.  We had gotten Sadie nearly six years ago – adopted as an older dog that no one wanted due to her size.  She was the Best. Dog. Ever.  She had the sweetest temperment, adored our small grandchildren, was loving and faithful, nursed me through illness and surgery, and protected me from harm.  She never barked or growled (except at the UPS man) and I know we’ll never find another dog like her.  We plan on adopting another dog, but not until we return from a two week vacation in May/June.

Yesterday was hard on me.  We knew in the morning that we couldn’t get her in until the evening, and I was working from home.  I had to keep looking into those gorgeous brown eyes knowing that when we took her for a ride later, she wouldn’t be coming home with us.  To make things more traumatic, my husband elected NOT to have Sadie creamated and disposed of by our vet, but bring her home and burry her – not an easy feat since she was over 100 pounds.  That meant that I had to help him get her out of the car, deliver her to the back yard, and put her in her grave.  I did not handle it well.  I was ok until her sweet brown paws and velvety ear peeked out from the blanket they had her wrapped in and I lost it all over again.

And my brain went immediately during the day to stress eating.  I recognized it, and curbed it, but I’m amazed that even after all this time, and all the behavioral changes I’ve made over the past three months, that I immediately thought, “Chocolate is all that will get me through this horrible day.”  I am proud of myself for recognizing it though – and when I did snack, it was fruit or sugar free pudding.

In other news, I had my 15 month follow up yesterday.  I’m still solidly at 189 (yay!) and was down about 5 pounds from my 1 year appointment.  They are thrilled with the strides I’ve made on emotional eating and with my exercise routine.  My body fat percentage is now 40% instead of 41.5% – so I’m going in  the right direction.  I’m hoping to be down another 5 pounds by my 18 month follow up in May.  And, they are going to re-do my labs now instead of at 18 months because I’ve had a huge issue with constipation and leg cramps, so I think they are going to have to tweak my supplements.  I’m thinking I need LESS iron and MORE potassium.  Otherwise a good report!

Frustrated With Myself

My eating is out of control.  I’m snacking.  I’m eating crap.  And it’s time to stop.

Tomorrow, I’m going to do the 5 Day Pouch Test to get a better hold on my tool and remind myself that it works.  Below is a summary of the five day pouch test:

Below you will find a brief list of the menu for each day. Please click the “Read more” links for further detail and hints and tips that will enable your success with the 5 Day Pouch Test.

Days One & Two: Liquid Protein
low-carb protein shakes, broth, clear or cream soups, sugar-free gelatin and pudding. Read more.

Day 3: Soft Protein
canned fish (tuna or salmon) eggs, fresh soft fish (tilapia, sole, orange roughy. Read more.

Day 4: Firm Protein
ground meat (turkey, beef, chicken, lamb), shellfish, scallops, lobster, fresh salmon or halibut. Read more.

Day 5: Solid Protein
white meat poultry, beef steak, pork, lamb, wild game

I need to give my body a chance to clense itself of all the crap I’m eating and feel that restriction in my pouch.  Once I’m done, I’ll be able to go back to measuring my food (something else I’ve gotten away from) and concentrating on proteins and cutting out the carbs.  Oh carbs, you are teh ebil.

Wish me luck.  I’m preparing now for the ginormous headach.  Sigh.

Yay Me and Yoga Equals OW

So, yesterday, I had a big test of emotional eating.  I had to rush my husband to the hospital with heart issues.  Thankfully it doesn’t appear to be serious, but we’re still in the WTF was that phase and he’s seeing the cardiologist today.

And I didn’t eat my way through the emergency room.  I did have some peanut butter crackers, but in my defense, we were there for five hours and I was hungry.  Literally stomach growling hungry (which rarely happens anymore).  So, yeah, peanut butter crackers.  I figured they were a better choice than anything else.

And this morning, instead of saying, “Screw it, I’m exhausted from yesterday’s ordeal, I’m staying in bed until 5,” I got myself up and took myself down to the basement and did a yoga workout.

Ow.

Yoga hurts.

But I’ll get the hang of it.  Tomorrow gym, as long as it isn’t snowing, which it was when I got up this morning.

By the way, 20 minutes of yoga converts into 2,000 steps!  Yay!

UGH

So, I had a lazy weekend.  No exercise.  No guilt over what I ate.  And I didn’t eat anything I shouldn’t have eaten, but I snacked way too much and I didn’t make the best choices.

And last night, my body told me so.

Oh my lawdie.  I was in pain last night and I’m still feeling icky this morning.

Boo.

Lesson learned.

Big Steaming Pile of Stress

So, my life is in a bit of a tailspin right now.  I have a ton going on at work, and we (read I) are having money issues right now, and on top of that, there are the holidays to contend with.

I am proud of myself in that I have baked a ton of goodies for Christmas this year and have tasted none.  Of course the dumping thing helps with that.  I can’t seem to stay out of the Chex Mix that I made, so I’ll be bringing that in to work tomorrow, and that is part of the stress eating that I am trying so hard to deal with.  I’ve been employing a lot of techniques from 50 Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food and I’m learning, but it is a slow process.

I have dropped from 193 down to 191.  It’s been a slow, agonizing process, but I do believe that mixing up the exercise routines and getting involved in consciously looking at my eating is helping.

I’m also in a funk now because a good friend’s wife lost her battle with cancer on Sunday night.  I’m so sad for Drew and their son, but worse than that, it is bringing up some memories of when my sister died, and I don’t know how to deal with that yet (without placating myself with food).

But, I will pull myself together.  This is a true test of how I’m learning to deal with raw emotions without stuffing my face.

One day at a time.  One hour at a time.  One moment at a time.

I will overcome.

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