I Done Did It!


Not the clearest picture in the world, but I was juggling a very strong 60 pound husky who was surrounded by all new sounds and people.  I finished up the March of Dimes March for Babies!  I love the fact that I can walk 2.5 miles now without feeling sore or winded (except for a sore arm from juggling my dog!).  I’m so glad the rain cleared out as well!  I love being fit and healthy!


W00T! Aw Yeah Baby! I’m at the Grown Up Table Now!

It was always my dream to own a trenchcoat.  A gorgeous, camel colored trenchcoat.  I think they are classic and sophisticated looking.  And for years, they didn’t make them in my size, and if they did, they were not flattering – it looked more like a big ass camel colored tent.

So, last fall, I decided that I was going to reward myself with one for the spring.  I ordered a lovely trenchcoat, size 14, from Chadwicks.  It came shortly and it was beautiful.  Gorgeous.  And too small last fall.  But that’s ok – it was a spring coat.

And my body has changed in six months.  I’ve lost body fat and inches, even if the pounds have been creeping off slowly. 

Besides, it’s a Spring Coat.  Meant for warmer weather.  Which we have not had.  Until this weekend.  It is supposed to be nearly 70 degrees today before I leave work, and it was nearly 50 this morning.  Now, I had tried the coat on a few times this winter, just to see….but it was always a bit tight and kind of gaping a the buttons.  No pretty.

But this morning, I crossed my fingers and thought, “What the hell?”  And I put my beautiful camel colored trenchcoat on.

And it fit!!!!

Size 14!!!  A REGULAR size 14.  Not a plus sized 14.  REGULAR.  From a shop that runs small!! (I can wear some 14s already…but my coat…my beautiful coveted coat…well, I knew it was going to run small because Chadwicks does).  And it looks great.  And I felt grown up.  Now, I know that sounds funny coming from a 38 year old woman who has 8 grandkids…but I felt like a grown up. 

You see, when you are fat, you feel like you are perpetually dining at the kids table.  A metaphore so to speak.  As if to say, I want all those pretty grown up sophisticated things, but they don’t fit, and therefore I have to settle for wearing clothes that look as if they were designed for a 70 year old woman to wear on a cruise, or items that were made by Tessie the Tent Maker.  The constant wearing of clothing from the Kid’s Table.

But today, baby, I graduated to the grown up table.

In a beautiful, gorgeous, sophisticated, glamorous, Audry Hepburn style camel colored trench coat.

And because of that, I rock.

Pictures tonight, when my hubby can take ’em!  I actually woke him up this morning before work just to tell him my coat fit.  Yay!

So This Is What “Normal” Feels Like

Every now and then, I’ll catch a reflection of myself – either in a mirror, or a window – and am surprised to realize that it’s me.  Once in a while, I’ll glance down at my lap while seated and actually see a lap.  Occasionally, I’ll look down at my feet and legs and marvel at how, well, “normal” I look.

Mentally, that fat girl is still there poking fun at me.  Sometimes it’s hard for my brain to digest the fact that my boobs (which even when I was fat were a small C cup) actually stick out farther than my stomach does now.  It’s completely wild for me to see collar bones, or the tendons in my neck, hands and feet.  It amazes me to see that I actually have slender fingers.

It makes me feel normal.  I’ve never felt normal.

Things are so different for me today than they were one year ago.  I can sit on the bus and instead of spilling over into the seat next to me having to sit with one cheek on the seat and one cheek hanging in the aisle, now I don’t even take up an entire seat.  I can walk the six blocks from the bus stop to work without getting winded.  In fact, I don’t feel the strain at all – it almost feels as if I’m floating.  I don’t feel as if I have to apologize to people for taking up more than my allotted space on the sidewalk, elevator or bus.  I can go up the stairs in my house without feeling as if I’m going to pass out.  When I go to the gym, I no longer feel as if everyone is staring at me wondering what in the heck the fat chick is doing there.  I’m no longer the largest person in the room.  I’m smaller than my husband.  I have bones and muscles.  I have self-confidence.

When I set out on this journey in April of 2009, I honestly felt deep down that even this wasn’t going to work.  I was doomed to be fat – destined to be ridiculed, to be sick, to die young.  Now, even with all the possibilities that lie ahead of me, what feels best now is feeling NORMAL.

Over the weekend, my mom had asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and I told her that she didn’t have to give me anything – we’d like to keep our Christmas spending to the children this year – which is still expensive seeing that we have eight grandchildren and a brand new great nephew that I lump in with the grandkids.  But she said she’d already gotten my sister something, and felt it was only fair.  I told her I honestly didn’t need or want anything, but I’d think about it.    So two nights ago, she called me and with great pride said she’d figured out what she was going to give me for Christmas this year.  $100 to spend on a pair of “sexy” boots.  I had mentioned that I’d like to get a pair, since they never fit on my calves before.  She said she wanted me to pick them out, but that’s what she wanted to give me.  Then, with a catch in her throat, she said that she was sorry that all my life I’d had to dress like an old woman.  I deserved to have some sexy things.

THIS is what normal feels like.  And it feels pretty damned amazing.

Non-Scale Victory

My wedding rings have literally been falling off of me.  They were sized at a 9 – both the engagement and wedding band.  I was terrified that I was going to lose them.  Back when I first decided to have surgery, my husband promised me a new wedding band when he could afford it.  Now, I love my bands.  My engagement ring is beautiful – marquis cut with channel set diamonds on the band.  The wedding band was prong set, alternating sapphire and diamond half eternity band.  I was content with getting those bands resized until my husband could afford to get my the wedding band I really wanted.

Well, my birthday is coming up next month.  Bob asked me what I wanted, and since my rings have been falling off, I asked him that if I could find a ring that was $100 or less, would he replace my wedding band now?  Of course he said yes.

And so….I found a ring that I loved loved loved on amazon.com.  It’s sapphire and diamond – two rows of sapphires with a row of diamonds in between.  It’s sterling silver (my old bands are white gold).  And it’s a size seven.  SEVEN!  Bob ordered it for me and it arrived today.  I LOVE IT!  And it slipped right on.  A size 7 ring.  Yayayay!

Here’s my new bling…

And so, I’m putting the engagement ring and wedding band away.  I will have them resized eventually, and I’ll wear the engagement ring on special occasions.  The new ring is really big enough that it would look odd with my engagement band.  But I’ve gone from a size 9 to a size 7 ring.  Yay!

Six 16 Pants Baby

I went to Good Will this morning and bought three pairs of dress slacks for work.  I got them in size 16 thinking for sure that they’d fit by the end of next month.

When I got home, I tried them on just to see how far I had to go.  They zipped right up – no rolls, no camel toe…they fit nice and they are comfortable.

Size 16 pants.  No Ws next to the sizes.  In fact, they are size 16 petites.  Yay!

Another Wow Moment

Seven years ago I was sitting in a hospital ICU recovering from a heart attack.  At the time, I weighed roughly 250 pounds – about 250 more than I weigh now.  My blood sugars were well into the 300s.  I had high cholesterol.  I had high blood pressure.  I had one artery that was 100% blocked (Hell-o stent) and one that was 50% blocked.  I was 30.  It didn’t help that at the time of my heart attack, I had been on Phen-fen, was smoking and taking the pill at the same time.

The cardiologist who treated me when I first went into the ER was Dr. Barry Wohl.  He was an angel of God as far as I was concerned, and I’ve seen him as my cardiologist ever since.

On Monday, I saw him for my normal six month cardiac check.  In his opinion, not ONLY have I erradicated my high cholesterol, high blood pressure and diabetes, BUT he feels that my Coronary Artery Disease (CAD) is in REGRESSION.  YEP – RE-GRES-SION.  Going Away.  He feels that more than likely, the blockages in my arteries are actually reducing themselves.

When I had surgery 8 months ago, I was on high blood pressure medication, two cholesterol meds, a beta blocker, plavix, and a host of diabetic meds.  Today – nothing.  All I take is Protonix (and that is for acid reduction due to the surgery).

I am healthier at 37 than I was at 30.

I’ve truly gotten my life back, and it is amazing.

Thank you Dr. Wohl for saving my life then.  Thank you Dr. McKenna for saving my life and saving me from myself.

This Is A Big One For Me

Bob and I have been together for a long time.  Started dating in 1997 (not exclusively), dated exclusively starting in 2002, married in 2007 and still together 13 years later.

This morning, for the first time since I’ve known him (and the first time in any relationship I’ve ever had), I weigh less than my husband.  I weighed in at 212 this morning.  Bob is 213.

And I’m very very excited about it.  😀

Previous Older Entries