Well, Whaddya Know….

My pouch still works.  And that’s a wonderful thing.  Since I have been back to eating good food (proteins, good carbs, high fiber, veggies) instead of slider foods, my pouch is telling me, “Whoa Nelly” and puts the brakes on.  That’s a good thing.  A very good thing.  And I’ve already taken off 3 pounds (I know, I shouldn’t weigh).  Also makes me happy.

And last night I actually did some exercise – if you count PT.  I did the bike.  I did the total gym (although I’m really NOT sure I’m supposed to be doing this because I think it counts as squats).  I did bridges (great for the ass and abs).  My knee hurt like a crack ho last night, but I did it.

And I didn’t over indulge during the hurricane or subsquent two days where we were without power, had 3.5 inches of water in our basement or a tree down in our front yard.  GO ME!  No stress eating!  YAY.

Now, I gotta keep this up!

I joined ediets.  I know, I know.  But I need something to hold me accountable, and cash is king.

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Almost Overweight – and I Mean That in a Good Way

I’m 12 pounds from my doctor’s goal weight for me, which is 175.  12 pounds.  I’ve never been 12 pounds from a goal weight in my life.  My BMI is down to 32.1.  In 12 pounds, I’ll actually be “overweight” instead of “obese.”  This makes me so happy.

The weight is creeping off so slowly now.  I’m way past my honeymoon phase, and I really have to watch every single thing I put in my mouth, but my pouch is still working as it always has – no sugars can pass (dump city), I don’t handle fat or excess carbs well (oh the gas) and I’m really limited to about a cup to a cup and a half of food at each meal.

Lately I’ve really cut down on the snacking.  I’ve gotten much better at grabbing for something like fruit when I am having a snack attack.  I’ve increased my fluids back to the proper level, and have cut the caffeine out because it was becoming an addiction.  Thanks to my surgery, I can recognize that now.  I still love my coffee, but I have at least cut it back to exclusively decaf except for the weekends (a treat, and I have to finish up my k-cups).

I’ve lost 134 pounds from my highest weight – when I weighed in at Dr. McKenna’s office in April of 2009, I was 321 pounds.  Today I’m 187.

I’m down 117 pounds from my surgery weight of 304 in November of 2009.

I’m wearing size large shirts and 14 or 16 slacks depending on who makes them.

Life is good.  I’m living it.  I’m not dreaming about it anymore.

W00T! Aw Yeah Baby! I’m at the Grown Up Table Now!

It was always my dream to own a trenchcoat.  A gorgeous, camel colored trenchcoat.  I think they are classic and sophisticated looking.  And for years, they didn’t make them in my size, and if they did, they were not flattering – it looked more like a big ass camel colored tent.

So, last fall, I decided that I was going to reward myself with one for the spring.  I ordered a lovely trenchcoat, size 14, from Chadwicks.  It came shortly and it was beautiful.  Gorgeous.  And too small last fall.  But that’s ok – it was a spring coat.

And my body has changed in six months.  I’ve lost body fat and inches, even if the pounds have been creeping off slowly. 

Besides, it’s a Spring Coat.  Meant for warmer weather.  Which we have not had.  Until this weekend.  It is supposed to be nearly 70 degrees today before I leave work, and it was nearly 50 this morning.  Now, I had tried the coat on a few times this winter, just to see….but it was always a bit tight and kind of gaping a the buttons.  No pretty.

But this morning, I crossed my fingers and thought, “What the hell?”  And I put my beautiful camel colored trenchcoat on.

And it fit!!!!

Size 14!!!  A REGULAR size 14.  Not a plus sized 14.  REGULAR.  From a shop that runs small!! (I can wear some 14s already…but my coat…my beautiful coveted coat…well, I knew it was going to run small because Chadwicks does).  And it looks great.  And I felt grown up.  Now, I know that sounds funny coming from a 38 year old woman who has 8 grandkids…but I felt like a grown up. 

You see, when you are fat, you feel like you are perpetually dining at the kids table.  A metaphore so to speak.  As if to say, I want all those pretty grown up sophisticated things, but they don’t fit, and therefore I have to settle for wearing clothes that look as if they were designed for a 70 year old woman to wear on a cruise, or items that were made by Tessie the Tent Maker.  The constant wearing of clothing from the Kid’s Table.

But today, baby, I graduated to the grown up table.

In a beautiful, gorgeous, sophisticated, glamorous, Audry Hepburn style camel colored trench coat.

And because of that, I rock.

Pictures tonight, when my hubby can take ’em!  I actually woke him up this morning before work just to tell him my coat fit.  Yay!

This Was Unexpected – But a Good Unexpected

I had thought for sure that my body had just reached a weight that it was happy at.  Afterall, I haven’t weighed less than 200 pounds since, well, since the 7th grade, so I’m sure when it got under 200, it wasn’t sure what to do. 

It’s been no secret that my weightloss has been hella slow for nearly six months.  I was crushed about it before, but in the past three months had truly gotten to the point where I was ok with it.  I was healthy, and happy and that was all that mattered.

Until this week.  My body has not only decided that “Oh yeah we have a pouch!  We have restriction!!  We can not eat very much!!!  Throw on the “off” switch!” BUT it has also decided to let go of some weight.  That’s right!  I’m losing again!  Can I get an Amen?

I’m moving slowly downward, but have learned only to use the scale as a tool for saying, “This works” or “This definitely doesn’t.”  I no longer flog myself if the numbers go up slightly – there’s no point.  Just make an adjustment.  But by God, I’m freaking LOSING again.

I’ve decided I’m going to “count” the weight that I am on the first of the month.  I may take some new progress pics as well.  I’m solidly in the 180s now (yay!) and am hoping to be close to my goal weight by my 18 month follow up in May.

Whatever triggered my body to let go, I am thoroughly happy.  I’m less than 15 pounds from my surgeon’s goal weight now.  Yay!

So This Is What “Normal” Feels Like

Every now and then, I’ll catch a reflection of myself – either in a mirror, or a window – and am surprised to realize that it’s me.  Once in a while, I’ll glance down at my lap while seated and actually see a lap.  Occasionally, I’ll look down at my feet and legs and marvel at how, well, “normal” I look.

Mentally, that fat girl is still there poking fun at me.  Sometimes it’s hard for my brain to digest the fact that my boobs (which even when I was fat were a small C cup) actually stick out farther than my stomach does now.  It’s completely wild for me to see collar bones, or the tendons in my neck, hands and feet.  It amazes me to see that I actually have slender fingers.

It makes me feel normal.  I’ve never felt normal.

Things are so different for me today than they were one year ago.  I can sit on the bus and instead of spilling over into the seat next to me having to sit with one cheek on the seat and one cheek hanging in the aisle, now I don’t even take up an entire seat.  I can walk the six blocks from the bus stop to work without getting winded.  In fact, I don’t feel the strain at all – it almost feels as if I’m floating.  I don’t feel as if I have to apologize to people for taking up more than my allotted space on the sidewalk, elevator or bus.  I can go up the stairs in my house without feeling as if I’m going to pass out.  When I go to the gym, I no longer feel as if everyone is staring at me wondering what in the heck the fat chick is doing there.  I’m no longer the largest person in the room.  I’m smaller than my husband.  I have bones and muscles.  I have self-confidence.

When I set out on this journey in April of 2009, I honestly felt deep down that even this wasn’t going to work.  I was doomed to be fat – destined to be ridiculed, to be sick, to die young.  Now, even with all the possibilities that lie ahead of me, what feels best now is feeling NORMAL.

Over the weekend, my mom had asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and I told her that she didn’t have to give me anything – we’d like to keep our Christmas spending to the children this year – which is still expensive seeing that we have eight grandchildren and a brand new great nephew that I lump in with the grandkids.  But she said she’d already gotten my sister something, and felt it was only fair.  I told her I honestly didn’t need or want anything, but I’d think about it.    So two nights ago, she called me and with great pride said she’d figured out what she was going to give me for Christmas this year.  $100 to spend on a pair of “sexy” boots.  I had mentioned that I’d like to get a pair, since they never fit on my calves before.  She said she wanted me to pick them out, but that’s what she wanted to give me.  Then, with a catch in her throat, she said that she was sorry that all my life I’d had to dress like an old woman.  I deserved to have some sexy things.

THIS is what normal feels like.  And it feels pretty damned amazing.

Another Wow Moment

Seven years ago I was sitting in a hospital ICU recovering from a heart attack.  At the time, I weighed roughly 250 pounds – about 250 more than I weigh now.  My blood sugars were well into the 300s.  I had high cholesterol.  I had high blood pressure.  I had one artery that was 100% blocked (Hell-o stent) and one that was 50% blocked.  I was 30.  It didn’t help that at the time of my heart attack, I had been on Phen-fen, was smoking and taking the pill at the same time.

The cardiologist who treated me when I first went into the ER was Dr. Barry Wohl.  He was an angel of God as far as I was concerned, and I’ve seen him as my cardiologist ever since.

On Monday, I saw him for my normal six month cardiac check.  In his opinion, not ONLY have I erradicated my high cholesterol, high blood pressure and diabetes, BUT he feels that my Coronary Artery Disease (CAD) is in REGRESSION.  YEP – RE-GRES-SION.  Going Away.  He feels that more than likely, the blockages in my arteries are actually reducing themselves.

When I had surgery 8 months ago, I was on high blood pressure medication, two cholesterol meds, a beta blocker, plavix, and a host of diabetic meds.  Today – nothing.  All I take is Protonix (and that is for acid reduction due to the surgery).

I am healthier at 37 than I was at 30.

I’ve truly gotten my life back, and it is amazing.

Thank you Dr. Wohl for saving my life then.  Thank you Dr. McKenna for saving my life and saving me from myself.

100 Pounds Gone

I hopped on the scale this morning because I hadn’t in a while (stupid TOM).  I was pleased to see a lovely 204 this morning.

That means in 8 months and 3 days, I have lost 100 pounds from my surgery date.  I’m 5 pounds away from ONEDERLAND!  Yay!

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